Hi There!

I guess I left here on a sour note last time. I was in a funk and kinda down on everything that day. Sorry to have vented on here, but that is what it's for I suppose. Thankfully I am in a better state of mind now. Let me do a quick recap before I get back on track. I quit caring so much about the quality of food I was eating. Over the last week I have ate 2 donuts, 2 candy bars, pizza, stromboli, biscuits, gravy...you get the point. The only positive thing is the fact I only went over my 2300 calorie limit once! Monday I stayed under my calories, but ate too much processed crap. Yesterday I ate a candy bar at work, but was good besides that. Last night I had to take my mom to the hospital. She thought she may have broke her wrist, but it wasn't (just arthritis and inflammation from hitting it). I made a horrible dinner. 3 hot dogs (on light bread), snack bag of tortilla chips (freebies from grocery) and a pack of pop tarts. Still under total calories, but felt like crap after that junk. Today has been awesome. I ate oatmeal for dinner, banana and 2 oranges for snacks, a lean gourmet meal for dinner (yes processed, but only 300 calories), leftover turkey taco meat/beans and chips/tortillas for dinner. I baked some oatmeal applesauce cookies (70 calories each and no bad stuff) for desert and to take to my work's snack day tomorrow. I also drank 5 bottles of water today. Hopefully by Monday my body will be rid of all the junk I have ingested this past 4 days. So now you are up to speed. I have my motivation and desire back to get the weight off of me. I have some ground to make up, but it's gonna happen. Take care friends.

Changes to my blog

Let me begin with the basics. Calories under 1900. Weighed 362 at work today (down 1 pound from Monday). Went to the grocery and got tons of healthy food.

Now for the rest.

I have always thought of this blog as a digital journal of my weight loss. I never have expected anyone to read it. I only have told the few people who follow me on Twitter and some of my family/friends. Given that, I am slightly disappointed to see that my blog is being viewed, but no one has ever gave me any comment, criticism, support or any word at all that they actually were ever on here. This isn't about getting noticed, just wondering aloud at how a page is looked at so often with no word from anyone that they've read it.

Anyway... I am unusually stressed/crabby/depressed/moody tonight. I feel like I am a failure for not having the money to do all the things with my family that our friends/coworkers can do for theirs. If my job ends, there is nothing around here that will pay what I make with me not having any college. My weight is coming off so slow that I don't think I'll ever be under 300 pounds, let alone under 250 pounds. I feel like an only child taken on the pressures of keeping my Mom in good spirits and cared for (even though my older sister is living worry free 4 hours north of us). I want to do so much more than this. I have all these thoughts that I have no idea how to express. I can make people laugh, but can't figure out how to do it for the masses. I have ideas for products and websites, but don't know how to make them a reality. I should be a millionaire, but alas I am just a paycheck to paycheck drone. Friends of the kid's tell them about cruises, theme parks and other vacation plans. Meanwhile, I am looking for the cheapest hotel at Myrtle Beach and having to take out a 401k loan to pay for it. Not to mention, this will be our first vacation that hasn't consisted of visiting home in Indy or a 2 hour drive south to Pigeon Forge, TN. Can't even remotely afford Disney...which my kids will soon be too old to even care about anyway. It just sucks to feel this crappy about myself. I have been so excited about losing 40 pounds, but I'm still 362 pounds. I have failed myself by letting my weight get so high and never following through with going to college. I have failed my family for not striving to do more to make their dreams a reality. I've went on long enough. This is a weight loss blog, not a whiner blog. I will not be posting everyday as I have been trying to do. Let's face it, my life is boring so there is nothing to post each day and my weight loss is sloooooow so there is not usually an update. Take care friends (as if any of my friends are even reading this).

Chloe's starting and current pics...

Chloe with her brother Austin (in the middle) and cousin Noah taken last summer

Chloe shooting hoops this past weekend...and 15 pounds lighter than she was on January 7th 2011

Starting pics and work in progress pics

The first pictures are of me at around my heaviest weight of 403 pounds taken fall of 2010 (but I looked like that November 29th when I started my new healthy changes). The second set is me from two weeks ago at about 365 pounds. Still a big boy, but glad I'm 40 pounds less than the old me...and still dropping.

Hi there...

Good eating. Walked at each break. Feeling good. Brief posts, but I really don't have any big thing to share tonight. There is 17 weeks until our vacation in July to Myrtle Beach. I had a goal of weighing 299 pounds by that time...probably not going to happen. So far this month I have lost around 4 pounds. No doubt I have lost in inches, but scale wise it's been slow.  I need to average losing 3.71 pounds a week from here on out to get to a weight of 299 lbs. Doesn't look good for that goal. As long as I am eating healthy, exercising and living the life of a fit person I will be fine. I know I will weigh much less than I do now by then, so it's all good. Well, I have posted a picture of me that my wife took of me Sunday March 6th at around 365 pounds. I will look for a good starting pic to compare the two. Like I said before, I got a long way to go, but I am proud that I have stayed on the right path for almost 4 months now. This truly has been a lifestyle change and I really am a different person now. I may have a crappy meal or two, but I can separate a meal from a lifestyle and move on after the last bite. Till next time, take care friends!

Another Monday in paradise

All sarcasm aside, it was a good day. I stayed under 2000 calories today. My weight at work was still 363 pounds. Tomorrow I will see if Sunday's meal has caught up with me. We went to basketball court this evening and shot/played around. Not much high impact cardio, but was nice for an hour being outside moving. Guess that's all I got. Pretty boring post I know. Sorry. I'll try harder next time :-)

Been meaning to post...just kept forgetting

Hello again! No worries, I didn't fall back to old ways. At least not all weekend. Good eating habits on Friday and Saturday. Nothing big to mention. Today though I ate over 3000 calories. Over 1700 calories were consumed at lunch. It was Mom's birthday and money is a little tough this week to come by. She said she would just like a good cheeseburger for a birthday meal. We ended up at Hardee's (which is the same as a Carl's Jr chain if you are familiar with those). I ended up eating the 2 double cheeseburger basket. My thought was that they would be just small versions since the meal was only $5. Turns out, the double cheeseburgers were 530 calories each...I ate both. The medium fries were about 430 calories. And the apple turnover (it came with it, I was weak and ate it) was 270 calories. But I did have a diet soda with it. Then we took mom for an ice cream. I had a large vanilla cone. That was 470 calories. So bad day eating wise, but I'm okay with an off day. I'm not on a diet. I just eat healthy most of the time. This will not throw me off, I'll be fine again when breakfast rolls around in the morning.

That's all for tonight. I'll weigh in tomorrow and again mid week to survey the damage it did. No matter what though, I'll lose any extra weight that today's eating has caused. Take care friends!