Let me begin with the basics. Calories under 1900. Weighed 362 at work today (down 1 pound from Monday). Went to the grocery and got tons of healthy food.
Now for the rest.
I have always thought of this blog as a digital journal of my weight loss. I never have expected anyone to read it. I only have told the few people who follow me on Twitter and some of my family/friends. Given that, I am slightly disappointed to see that my blog is being viewed, but no one has ever gave me any comment, criticism, support or any word at all that they actually were ever on here. This isn't about getting noticed, just wondering aloud at how a page is looked at so often with no word from anyone that they've read it.
Anyway... I am unusually stressed/crabby/depressed/moody tonight. I feel like I am a failure for not having the money to do all the things with my family that our friends/coworkers can do for theirs. If my job ends, there is nothing around here that will pay what I make with me not having any college. My weight is coming off so slow that I don't think I'll ever be under 300 pounds, let alone under 250 pounds. I feel like an only child taken on the pressures of keeping my Mom in good spirits and cared for (even though my older sister is living worry free 4 hours north of us). I want to do so much more than this. I have all these thoughts that I have no idea how to express. I can make people laugh, but can't figure out how to do it for the masses. I have ideas for products and websites, but don't know how to make them a reality. I should be a millionaire, but alas I am just a paycheck to paycheck drone. Friends of the kid's tell them about cruises, theme parks and other vacation plans. Meanwhile, I am looking for the cheapest hotel at Myrtle Beach and having to take out a 401k loan to pay for it. Not to mention, this will be our first vacation that hasn't consisted of visiting home in Indy or a 2 hour drive south to Pigeon Forge, TN. Can't even remotely afford Disney...which my kids will soon be too old to even care about anyway. It just sucks to feel this crappy about myself. I have been so excited about losing 40 pounds, but I'm still 362 pounds. I have failed myself by letting my weight get so high and never following through with going to college. I have failed my family for not striving to do more to make their dreams a reality. I've went on long enough. This is a weight loss blog, not a whiner blog. I will not be posting everyday as I have been trying to do. Let's face it, my life is boring so there is nothing to post each day and my weight loss is sloooooow so there is not usually an update. Take care friends (as if any of my friends are even reading this).
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