Biggest Loser premier...

Lets just say that I "eased" into getting back on course. Okay, I have put good habits off until tomorrow. In fact up until an hour before the Biggest Loser show, I was eating pizza and last night I had my final (for a little bit at least) ice cream. Just wanted any possible stupid cravings stifled so that I wouldn't fall off the right path. Yes, that is against the whole thing I have mentioned before about excuses. You know, the "I'll start Monday", "I just need to get all my cravings ate before I start" and all those other procrastinating BS excuses. So I have acknowledged I have a problem (for several years now) and my most recent, and what needs to be final, lifestyle change to healthy living begins now.

Let me recap.

I had my head on straight. I was losing weight at a steady pace. My body was feeling good. I had more energy. Clothes fit me better and I went down in size. All was good in my journey. Then I took a day off on my birthday July 9th to eat what I wanted. That day has now lasted over 2 months.

I now weigh 397lbs. My chest hurts several times a week. Its hard to breath after bending over to tie my shoes or pick up something. I have had more bouts of depression and self loathing than I ever had in my life. My stress is high and my self esteem is low. I feel the worst physically, mentally and emotionally than I ever have before. If I were to be diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease or any other obesity related disease/disorder, I would not be shocked. If I don't wake up tomorrow, my family shouldn't be shocked. In case you aren't picking up the vibe, I am scared for the first time ever. I have been concerned for years, but it's way past that now.

So enough of the dreary. Here is what I am going to do.
1. Eat healthy food choices
2. Stick with recommended healthy portion sizes
3. Be active
4. Take it one hour at a time and not focus so much on the mountain of lbs to lose

No more weekly goal. I'll weigh weekly to make sure still on track, but I am not going to set a weight to be at by a certain date. Any weight lost is good for my health and self confidence. I am doing this first for my health (I want to avoid the diseases that my mom suffers from. I'm not wanting to die in my early 30s and be buried in a double wide casket that will have to take both mine and my wife's burial plots to fit me in.) I am doing this for superficial reasons (I want to feel good about my looks. I want to be able to buy clothes at "regular" size stores. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.) I am doing this for my wife (I don't want her to feel like she is stuck with a fatty husband that she is secretly embarrassed of. I want her to actually want to do "stuff" with me and not be disgusted at the thought of it. She would never say these things are true, but I don't see how they couldn't be.) I am doing this for my kids (I don't want them to be ashamed of having a huge dad. I want to ride amusement park rides, go-karts and just play with my kids without wanting to go sit in the house.) I want to lose weight while my mom is alive to see me do it. I want this soooo much. I hate myself right now. I want to change that and find my real self. The Mike that I can be happy to be. More to come tomorrow.