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Changes...

Changes are a necessity in life. About a year ago I made a change in my life to eat better and lose weight. About 8 months ago I changed back to eating like an idiot. Less than a month ago I changed my priorities to get back to becoming fit. Less than a week after that I changed back to eating like an idiot. I changed my way of living from sitting on my butt to going to college for the first time at age 34. One of these changes has been a breeze...the college one. The other changes were never really changes at all. When you make a change, you stop doing the thing you used to do. I used to eat delicious foods that were not good for me...wait, I always ended up eating those same things. Obviously I really didn't make a change. It was more like a hiatus. So as I change parts of my life by attempting to better my mind and work at a degree to better my chances of employment after my current job closes, I continue to physically self destruct. Well, once again, I am making a change. This blog is officially being retired as of tonight. It will still remain in the cellar of blogs charting the good, the bad and the awfully ugly from  my past year of up and down weight loss.

Have no fear, I am not giving up my adventure to lose my weight. I'm not even close to that feeling. Me and my daughter are embarking on a tag team journey to get healthy. It actually began about 48 minutes ago. I will be starting a new blog to post our updates and tips, along with anything else on our minds by the end of the day. I will post that blog name and link on here soon, in case anyone is reading. Sometimes I will post and sometimes she will be the one posting. Just a warning, she is about to turn 13 but is more witty and articulate than some adults I know. Expect frequent updates, less bad news and a whole new feel to the blog. With me and Chloe looking out for each other with this renewed motivation, I expect good things and hopefully this can lead to a long healthy life for our entire family and you the reader. Stay tuned for the  link.

No leftovers today

After a bowl of oatmeal and a banana for breakfast, lunch couldn't come soon enough. Chicken breast with hot sauce, for a mayo free chicken salad, and veggies. Big difference from yesterday, but feel MUCH better after eating this!

FRIDAY!

TGIF! No Black Friday shopping for me this morning, just work. I got a good nights sleep and woke up with a pep in my step. Obviously I decided to keep my adventure blog and move forward with my weight loss journey tracking. Today I weighed 409.4 pounds on the trusty work scales. I refuse to go any higher. I came prepared with healthy foods for work and will update my food choices tonight. For now though, it's back to work time since break is over...come on 4:30!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hopefully everyone has had a great Thanksgiving full of reflections of what you are thankful for. I ate too much, as many people did today. As blessed as I am and as great as today has been, I feel like crap. As of this past Tuesday I weighted 408 pounds. I am in a tailspin and quite possibly have crashed after my 2nd bowl of dumplings today. My daughter has also bore the brunt of the scale and poor eating habits as she hit a milestone of high weight herself this week. It is sad for me to realize that food has such a power over the common sense of eating right. Alas, I sit here and plan my 30th Daddy/Daughter weight loss contest to begin Monday. I am completely embarrassed at how I can lose 50 pounds in less than half a year and gain 55 back just as quick. I am also completely peeved that I could allow my daughter to lose 20 pounds in the same time frame only to gain about 30 back.

I won't waste anymore of a happy Thanksgiving being down on myself. The future of this blog is up in the air right now. Possibly I will start a new and fresh start blog this weekend, or I may just get past the crappy things I've done and get back on track and blog by eating recovery on here. Either way I'll be back on track tomorrow. As long as I keep getting back on my feet, I have not been defeated...no matter how many times I get off track. Goodnight.

What it is, what it was and what it will be

It is all good now. Since last update, I have dealt with my mom having a stroke (she is doing well now), minor health scare for myself and still awaiting word on when my job will be closing. I am still going to school full time via online courses and also working full time. As busy as I have been, I have managed to find time to eat enough to gain EVERY single pound back that I had lost. As of last Tuesday I was about 403 pounds...even though my doctor's scale only showed 370. Hopefully his diagnosis are more accurate than his scale.

As my first sentence stated, it's all good now though. I know what to do, just have to get back to doing it. I have stocked the house with fruits and veggies that I like. The "bad" food has either been consumed or thrown out. As of tomorrow I am back to taking plenty of healthy grub to work and have lighter options waiting to be made for dinner. Water will be replacing diet soda as my drink of choice...I have my headache pills ready for the caffeine withdraw headaches that will come. If I can only find the motivation to stay after work and use the company gym I will be all set.

I was going to start a new blog, but I got to thinking about it and decided not to. This weight loss thing is an adventure and not just a quick thing for me. This blog shows my successes and also my bumps along the way. For every day, week or months I went without posting is a reminder of my adventure being derailed and hopefully will help remind me of what not to do.

So I begin my journey to lose weight again and of course it is right at the eating portion of the holiday season. That will just be a badge of motivation when I overcome the "bad" food and backhand the second helpings away. I am back to basics. Small portions, limited processed foods, more veggies and fruits, lots of water and getting active. No junk, candy or fried stuff, but also no healthy foods that I can't stand and no depriving myself of anything. If I want it, I'll eat it. I just won't eat four times the recommended serving size. Gonna take things one meal at a time and my goal is to take it 10 pounds at a time. The first big goal is getting to 349, than it will be to weigh 299 and at 250 I will see what needs to be done. As discouraged as I am that I am back at needing to lose 150+ pounds, I am just as eager and excited to get back on track. I lost 50 pounds in about 5 months at the beginning of the year. This time I hope to lose 60 pounds by April 1, 2012 (yes, April fools day) which would be just about 4 1/2 months.

Wish me well friends, and pray I don't let myself and my family down. More posting to come this week.

First day back on the right track

Let me start with the worst. My weight is 396.6, which is just 7 pounds less than when I started 10 months ago when I started. Basically, I have gained about 40 pounds in 5 months. Devastating. That word sums up how I felt seeing that number.

The good thing is I am back to good. Veggies, baked chicken and oatmeal rounded out my meals. I also have not had any diet soda (remember, I never drink regular pop). I can already feel the caffeine withdraw headache forming, but am fighting it off and sticking to water.

Gotta get to bed, but real quick I'll bring you up to speed. I am in school full time doing all online classes and also working full time (for now, but that is a different story). My mom just had a stroke two weeks ago, but is doing pretty well now. The last few months I got lazy, quit exercising, quit cooking and quit buying quality food. I know the error of my ways, so just have to jump back on the right path. More updates to come later, right now it's bed time.

I'm back

Too late in the night for a recap of what I have been up to the last 6 weeks, but it will be coming soon I promise. Tomorrow, Sept 13 I begin my healthy eating lifestyle change again with the help of a Biggest Loser contest on my team at work. Weight and updates to come tomorrow. I have never quit, I just stopped giving it my all. After several pounds gained, I am back to 100% commitment. I can't post daily with me working full time and being in school full time, but I will shoot for 2 - 3 times a week.

What can I say

Nothing. As I stated early in the start of this blog, words mean nothing if there are no actions to back it up. I will not waste time telling how bad I have done or how much weight I have gained. No reflection of how I failed my vacation weight loss goal or how I let down myself. I was doing great for four months and then blew it. Enough said.

Let's focus on the positive. My family and I had a wonderful vacation in Myrtle Beach. It was the first time they had ever seen the ocean and my first time since I was a child. I rode in a ferris wheel that went 200 feet in the air. The capacity was 6 people or 1300 pounds in each gondola, so me and my daughter were plenty safe. I actually was so concerned with being too big to ride it that I sent the company an email to see for sure. That's how I found the specs for it. We walked a lot while on vacation. It was great to actually see my body adapt in a week to the walking. Usually I get big red splotches and burning/sharp pains in my legs from my poor circulation. Almost always, after a big day of walking I can't hardly move the next morning. So on Monday we went to malls, outlet shopping and other stores. That night I had the redness and pain. The next morning I could barely walk, but again we went out and about. That night more redness and pain, but on Wednesday morning the pain was a little less. Again we went out and about all day. Thursday morning I woke up feeling pretty good in my legs and the redness was more of just a little pink. Thursday we walked the boardwalk and hung at the beach for our final full day. Friday morning I woke up feeling great and very little redness. We did outlet shopping in Pigeon Forge, TN on the way home and got to our house late Friday night. Saturday I was up and at 'em with no pain and still very little redness. So at least my body adjusted to the exercise, which let me know It's not too late to get back to it.

We ate out a few times and had sandwiches at the hotel. With the exception of a buffet and a HUGE double cheeseburger served between two grilled cheese sandwiches (not going into anymore detail), I kept my eating in check. I think I actually did lose a little while there. So all in all, good vacation, swimming and walking was fun, good food and great R and R.

Let's get to how I feel right now. I feel like a big bloated bear. I also feel optimistic for getting my crap together. I purchased two new pairs of great walking/running shoes to help me feel better getting active again. I went to the store today for fruits and veggies. My mom is starting the Weight Watchers plan, so me and Chloe figured it was a good time to get back on track so all three of us can support each other. I am going back to just making a lifestyle change in eating unprocessed foods and reducing the sugar and flour I eat. Chloe will be doing the same. For mom, the WW thing will be better for her, but I just don't want to deal with calculating points. In reality, both WW and what I am doing will be similar. Both cut out the crap foods and both teach you to eat moderate portions.

So in 17 minutes my new start...er, my newest re-start begins. Pray for me, wish me luck and knock on wood that I will stay the course and so will Chloe and my mom. Later friends.

 p.s. This is the heart attack on a plate burger that I spoke of early in the post entry. Yes, I ate all but 2 bites of it. Not a proud moment, but wanted to share my shame.

Hi

Not gone for good and I haven't completely self destructed. I'll be honest,  I have gained probably 15 or more of the 40 pounds I lost back. I have  only 9 days until vacation and failed at my 100 pounds by vacation goal. So a temporary plan began today. Very low carb eating from today until vacation to at least get some belly bloat and fluid off of me to make the swimming trunks bought after the 40 pound loss fit better. After that I will convert back to the successful eating plan I did the first four months when I lost weight. The big thing is I haven't gave up, just haven't given it my all like I should have been. I have picked myself up and am moving forward again. I may fall again (and again, and again...) but I will not give up my goal of losing 150 pounds. I have lost about 25 pounds of it, so I am proud of that! I start college for the first time (minus the 7 weeks I went 12 years ago) in August. I have all online classes this semester, but in the spring I want weight off for when I have real classes. Yep, new goal, lol. I am shooting for weighing 299 pounds by 1/1/12. More to come later, just bare with me to get my stuff in order...mentally and physically. Take care friends.

Austin's Birthday

My boy turned 10 today. After surprising him with a Super Mario Bros. cake, I devoured about 2 slices along with tons of pizza. A few hours later, Chloe presented me with an early Fathers Day gift. She had made me a Indianapolis Colts cake (see why it was early, it wouldn't have lasted til the 19th, lol). She had cake decorating class at her GT camp last week and thought that would be a great theme/gift. So between me, her and Austin we devoured it. Don't panic, it was a small size cake. Needless to say, my stupidity with eating right is still in full swing. Oh well, at least I realize the problem and 66% of the time I am doing the right thing. Until the home finance situation for vacation is resolved, our grocery bill has to be lower. Let's be real, healthy food is higher than processed not so healthy food. I will make sure to avoid the sugars, breads and cracker/chip foods like I was doing beginning Monday (there is still cake left and I am not setting myself up for failure tomorrow). We'll see what happens. Take care peeps!

What a day

My first day back eating healthy was a huge success! Well under my calories so I may have a quick snack soon. Drank 64 ounces of water and exercised by doing some work around house. This part of the day has been great.

Unfortunately on a 90 degree day, our air conditioning unit quit working. It was 86 degrees when we arrived home from work...with the air conditioner running full power. Hoping it's freon we need and not going to be too expensive. We'll see. Keep your fingers crossed for us. We need all the money we can save for vacation, so if this is costly at all our hopes for a vacation in Myrtle Beach are gone. Take care friends, talk to you tomorrow.

Final post...just kidding

No time to sugar coat or say the obvious. I've not ate healthy and feel like crap still. No one can do this for me. Back to it tomorrow, the right way. No junk in the house to eat and got my desire to lose the weight again. Thankfully I didn't gain a lot back. So I will give my re-start post update tomorrow. Take care friends!

Another "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" post

The good: Not at all fitness related, but I filled out my college application to start school in August. I have been out of high school for 16 years and besides a 7 week stint, I've never been to college. In light of the recent rumors of my work closing, I felt it was time to make a change to better myself.

The bad: I ate 3 donuts over the course of the workday today.

The ugly: Chinese buffet for dinner last night followed by half a bag of jelly beans.

That's all I got. As usual, tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start again. Not thrown in the towel, just in a long rut. I will beat this though and be all good!

Another one of those nights...

First off, yesterday wasn't a great day eating. I ended up having a huge calzone for lunch and ended up eating spicy hot smoked sausages for dinner. Not healthy at all. Today hasn't been bad though. Still had leftover sausages and some jalapeno cheese spread, but finished with baked turkey for dinner. Tomorrow will be better.

Now, I am getting back to trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, lol. With looming rumors of my company possibly consolidating sites and closing the one I work at, I gotta get a plan B. With being 33 years old (34 in July), no college experience (other than a failed 7 weeks back about 12 years ago where I just quit to focus on Chloe as a baby and my full time job) and being with this company for about 11 years I am lost on where to begin. I guess plan B will consist of going to college, but not sure what I want to do. With so many years since school behind me, I am nervous that I won't know what the crap they are talking about in class. I also worry that since I will be in my late 30s when I finally get a degree (early 40s if I have to do a 4 year degree at a 6 year pace) that I will always be picked last for a job compared to those in their 20s. Oh well, first things first...gotta decide what I want to do for the rest of my working life. More to come tomorrow friends.

Friday's info...

Sorry, was too busy to post last night. So today there will be two....I am committed to posting about each day.

I weighed here at home in my usual gym shorts only attire yesterday morning. Was not too bummed when I seen 365 pounds. I am still down close to 40 pounds even after all the crap I have been eating. At work I weighed in at 370 with my tennis shoes, polo and jean shorts. I guess from here on out I am going to just start posting my weight from my at home weigh in since it is the truest to what I really weigh. Also, since Chloe weighs in with me on Fridays it makes more since anyway. My calories for the day were 2600. I could have picked a better dinner to have and also not gotten the small McDonald's ice cream cone, but my calories were good and I woke up not feeling like a cinder block.

Well, lots of yard work at my house and at my mom's to do today so gotta run. Have a great day friends o'mine!

New beginning take two

Paid lunch at work from non-healthy food friendly restaurant plus not enough time to cook equals WAY TOO MANY CALORIES! So, tomorrow will be my day to get back to my old ways of healthy living and ditch the whole 75% good and 25% bad eating that is keeping me at the same weight. My weight will be posted tomorrow so that I can see my progress and bare it for all to see here. Have a good night friends!

Now where was I...

Sorry for the last venting post. Now let me get back on the subject of my weight loss adventure.

This will be short and to the point. Words without action mean nothing. So for the last 6 weeks (at least) my words on this blog haven't meant a thing. I get revved up and motivated, post my exuberance for fitness/weight loss and then hours later I'm eating cookies and pizza. The solution for this is....???? I have no definite solution. From November to March I thought I did. My lifestyle was limit flour, sugar and fried foods and completely cut out processed foods like crackers, chips, candy and cookies. I also ate regular portions of meals and had fruit or veggies as in between meal snacks so that I was eating about every 2 hours for a total of 3 meals and 3 snacks. My calories never topped 2400 (often they never hit 2000) and my water intake was at least 64 ounces a day. I was also walking or playing basketball at least 3 days a week. That may not seem like much, but it's 3 days more often than I've been active lately. Now that I look at what I just wrote, maybe I do have the solution. Back to that plan of attack beginning tomorrow. Nothing else to write, just gotta do what I was doing and get to where I want to be. I'll weigh tomorrow at home and work and post the weights tomorrow. I know there will be a gain from where I was at last time, but that's okay...it'll be off of me soon! Take care friends!

Just venting...not much fitness related info

I ate crap today. Lots of it. Ice cream, white bread, big dinner with tons of carbs and butter, you get the picture. Even drank a regular Coke. I'm in an emotional funk, physically spent and just all together not myself. I hate the fact that I had a chance to take a permanent lay off 18 months ago where I would have gotten 2 years of schooling and unemployment since my job went overseas and didn't take it. Instead I apply to keep a job only to hear this week that eventually it will be gone, but since not going overseas I probably won't get near that same package. I cannot stand the fact that people I have worked with/for over the last several years don't even think enough of me to so much as to smile or wave when they see me in public. Of course that is most likely because I am one of the most easy to forget or not know people ever...always have been. I am disgusted with myself for not being able to keep the motivation or self control to not eat crap. I bend over backwards to do things that others in my life need or want and ignore what I would rather do...at no time does anyone ask what I need or want. I am just here to play a part in a life that should be way different. Oh how I wish that I could go somewhere far away, where no one could find me and just focus on me for a few days...or weeks. But alas, I will keep on like a drone or worker bee and keep smiling and faking that I am that happy go lucky funny nice guy. Because that's what makes everyone comfortable and happy...everyone but me. Of course I could just be at my snapping point tonight and will wake up and feel refreshed and good to go. Or I have finally just had my fill of the crap I have allowed to build up in my life and this is the breaking point I have needed to make a change. Guess we'll see.

For anyone who may read this, sorry it's such a dark post. I needed to vent and I didn't have anywhere else to get all this off my chest. Didn't want to bother the few friends I have with this stuff and family doesn't really care to hear it either. Hope to have something better for tomorrow, but no guarantees. Take care friends.

What happened?!

For four months my weight loss adventure was going smooth as could be. These last six weeks have been just the opposite. I find myself buying crap foods, eating terrible choices and losing my motivation more often. I have not gave up the weight loss adventure, that's not what I'm saying at all. Here is a typical day of how it has been:

I measure out my half cup of oatmeal and grab my 3 packs of Splenda sweetener for it. Then I pack my lunch of either a Lean Cuisine type dinner or chicken breast with green beans (or something else "healthy"). Got my apple, orange, veggies or some other non processed food for snacking at work.

On the way to work I start thinking about how good the breakfast bagel sandwiches are at McDonalds as I pass the golden arches getting on the freeway. Then I see Frisch's Big Boy and think about the times I tore that breakfast buffet up. In the past thinking of both of those would disgust me and make me feel good that those things are behind me. Lately though, these have been nostalgic thoughts that entice me to go back to them. I have even had my wallet out and ready to go through drive through and McD's only to fight my old demons and keep on to work.

So I finally make it to work. I go into the cafeteria for a spoon for my oatmeal. While there I drool over the biscuits and gravy or the greasy deep fried breakfast taquitos...and this week I bought a couple of the taquitos to eat with my oatmeal. This added WAY too many junk calories. Along comes lunch time. I eat my healthy lunch...and a couple days added an order of fries to go with it. Not to mention one day I ignored my lunch to opt for a "chuckwagon" burger. A crappy deep fried meat patty of some sort with fries. Don't worry about the lunch I ignored...I had it for a snack. Of course I couldn't ignore the vending machines on a couple of breaks over the last 6 weeks. Each trip found me buying two items (gotta have something sweet and salty).

Dinner time comes. This is where there are many scenarios. I will either...eat sensibly and only have the errors of my earlier food choices on my conscience, eat terribly and be all out bad for the day or eat sensibly and then blow it with ice cream and/or snacks afterwards.

As you can see, this is not the eating habits of someone being healthy. I am not sure what happened. I am still at about 360 pounds, so the good meals are balancing out the bad ones. Obviously though, I still have way too many pounds to lose to just hover at this weight. I have came a long way from 403, but have a long way to go to under 250 pounds.

Here I am again wondering what I can do to fix what is broken and get back to it. Dealing with stress will be a start. Getting rid of the junk foods will be the next thing. Not having cash with me will help avoid crap food at work. Posting on my cubicle wall at work and in my kitchen/desk at home my motivators for losing weight will be added help. I have flirted with the idea of a video blog  so that hearing my own voice and emotion when watching them may keep me going. But I hate looking at myself and hearing my own voice, so not sure if I can do that.

All I can do is try again and stay committed to not screwing up. I ask that my friends/followers keep supporting me as I work through this funk I am in. More to come...possibly even tonight...my friends!