What happened?!

For four months my weight loss adventure was going smooth as could be. These last six weeks have been just the opposite. I find myself buying crap foods, eating terrible choices and losing my motivation more often. I have not gave up the weight loss adventure, that's not what I'm saying at all. Here is a typical day of how it has been:

I measure out my half cup of oatmeal and grab my 3 packs of Splenda sweetener for it. Then I pack my lunch of either a Lean Cuisine type dinner or chicken breast with green beans (or something else "healthy"). Got my apple, orange, veggies or some other non processed food for snacking at work.

On the way to work I start thinking about how good the breakfast bagel sandwiches are at McDonalds as I pass the golden arches getting on the freeway. Then I see Frisch's Big Boy and think about the times I tore that breakfast buffet up. In the past thinking of both of those would disgust me and make me feel good that those things are behind me. Lately though, these have been nostalgic thoughts that entice me to go back to them. I have even had my wallet out and ready to go through drive through and McD's only to fight my old demons and keep on to work.

So I finally make it to work. I go into the cafeteria for a spoon for my oatmeal. While there I drool over the biscuits and gravy or the greasy deep fried breakfast taquitos...and this week I bought a couple of the taquitos to eat with my oatmeal. This added WAY too many junk calories. Along comes lunch time. I eat my healthy lunch...and a couple days added an order of fries to go with it. Not to mention one day I ignored my lunch to opt for a "chuckwagon" burger. A crappy deep fried meat patty of some sort with fries. Don't worry about the lunch I ignored...I had it for a snack. Of course I couldn't ignore the vending machines on a couple of breaks over the last 6 weeks. Each trip found me buying two items (gotta have something sweet and salty).

Dinner time comes. This is where there are many scenarios. I will either...eat sensibly and only have the errors of my earlier food choices on my conscience, eat terribly and be all out bad for the day or eat sensibly and then blow it with ice cream and/or snacks afterwards.

As you can see, this is not the eating habits of someone being healthy. I am not sure what happened. I am still at about 360 pounds, so the good meals are balancing out the bad ones. Obviously though, I still have way too many pounds to lose to just hover at this weight. I have came a long way from 403, but have a long way to go to under 250 pounds.

Here I am again wondering what I can do to fix what is broken and get back to it. Dealing with stress will be a start. Getting rid of the junk foods will be the next thing. Not having cash with me will help avoid crap food at work. Posting on my cubicle wall at work and in my kitchen/desk at home my motivators for losing weight will be added help. I have flirted with the idea of a video blog  so that hearing my own voice and emotion when watching them may keep me going. But I hate looking at myself and hearing my own voice, so not sure if I can do that.

All I can do is try again and stay committed to not screwing up. I ask that my friends/followers keep supporting me as I work through this funk I am in. More to come...possibly even tonight...my friends!