November 7th

I stayed the course 2 days. Then proceeded to go to a bakery outlet for bread and left with honeybuns and other sweet crap. After all, crap is all it is. High fat, high calories and high suger. Yes, delicious crap while eating it, but then the guilt and self loathing begins. I regret that I ate that stuff the past 2 days. I also regret eating pizza today during the football games and snacking on the kid's Halloween candy. I hate myself so much. That is the only explanation I have as to why I would sabotage my weight loss adventure. I don't know what to say or do. Every week is a new start. Every night I say I will do it this time. What a failure. As I look online at vacation ideas (daydreaming for next year), I am constantly reminded and inspired that I need to lose weight so I can enjoy theme parks, beaches and other fun things. Yet a minute later I am munching on a fun size candy bar.

I don't know, maybe it's more than loving food. Stress from work maybe. Issues at home and in marriage maybe. Lack of a hobby or interest outside of work maybe. All I know is my health, family and social insecurities should be more than enough to keep my on course...but it hasn't been.

The closest Overeaters Anonymous meeting is an hour away and during the time I'd be at work. I can't take off work or I'd commit myself into a fat farm. I'd consider wiring my jaw shut at this point.

Alas, I am my own man. I have handled the death of a child and my dad. I have handled a bad few years of my marriage. I am there for my family and for my mom thru all her medical problems. So there is no reason why I can't handle losing 150 pounds!

You guessed it, here I go again starting first thing in the morning. Just have to keep trying and have the attitude that this will be the successful attempt I am needing.