Memorial Day

Today we pay tribute to the brave men and women who have gave all for this country. My family, along with most others, visited the graves of loved ones to decorate and honor them. This weekend my sister and nephew came in from Indiana to visit. We always have a good time thinking back to things we did when we were younger. She is 12 years older than me, so we have only a few things in common but enjoy each others talks of good times past. One thing we do have in common is the love for food. We enjoyed homemade chili buns, brownies and cake all weekend long. Sunday was Chinese buffet and then me and the wife ended the holiday weekend with another buffet. That is the family trait that we all share, we love food. I do think I wouldn't have ate quite as bad had I not had in my head that the biggest loser competition I was entering didn't start until tomorrow.

While my sister was in, she brought her Six Week Body Makeover plan with her. Basically for my body type it says I should eat lean fish, chicken and turkey breast along with veggies and fruits. The only carbs recommended were brown rice and baked potatoes. The plan has you eat breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and an optional evening snack. It sounds like a lot of eating, but most calories for the day you would consume would be about 1600-1900. I have down the recommended foods and what type of exercise is best (for my weight it says stick to walking or recumbent bicycle). I will take the recommendations for food types, but there is no way with my work schedule that I can eat every two hours. Don't get me wrong, I could eat that often sitting on my butt at home on the weekend (that is partially how I got this big) but I can't be chewing on a bowl of greens and have my manager come to me for a work issue. Doesn't look or smell good in a confined room to eat some of the healthy foods recommended.

So tomorrow, June 1st, I rededicate myself to getting back on the weight loss adventure. I weigh in at our contest tomorrow 1pm. Tomorrow night I will post my weight...and if I can find my big ass measuring tape I will post my measurements too. It's gonna be rough at work tomorrow. All my best buddies have officially left due to jobs sent to India. Some had left earlier and Friday the rest of them went. They are a big source of motivation and support and I will sure miss that at work. Time to man up I guess and take the bull by the horns myself!

Here's the plan:
Cut pop down to 12oz can a day
Write down everything I eat
Walk everyday for at least 1 mile
Eat smart, low fat, healthy foods
Eat fresh fruits and veggies
No chips, cookies or candy

Wish me luck. Gonna be a lonely day of missing friends and as a emotional eater, I will be battling not to eat stupidly all day. I'll end this post with a little prayer that is on my mind each night.

Thank you God for this day and all the blessings in my life. Bless my family, friends and those in need of salvation. God give me the ability, strength and courage to succeed in my weight loss journey. Amen.

Fresh start planned

On June 1st, I will be undertaking a fresh start on my weight loss adventure with the Biggest Loser contest kicking off at work. Until then, my blogging will take a Memorial Day weekend hiatus. I am not planning to eat stupid, but I also am not going to starve. A happy medium I hope to find. Till the 1st, peace out!

day 10...I gave in

good at work, pizza and ice cream at dinner. noticing a trend? Tomorrow pizza party planned for us at work, will probably give in. Good news though, on June 1st is my first weigh in for the Biggest Loser contest at work. Just what I need to steer me back on to my path. Until then will be a crapshoot at best given the memorial day weekend ahead.

No mas, por favor

Biggest loser finale tonight, so I will keep this short and sweet. Ate great at work, blew it with crap still in the house from pre-weight loss adventure. total calories approximately 3400. Sucks, I know. Definately hard to see the light at the end of this tunnel, but tomorrow is only 3:49 away.

oops, I did it again

Passed on fattening breakfast at McD's Ate a balanced, low fat/calorie lunch at work. Then, all hell broke loose. Long John Silver's fish tacos and fries followed by a choco taco and ice cream sandwich. I get so damn mad at myself for going back to old ways. Mentally I am ready to lose weight and strong enough to do it. I do not understand the self sabotage that is going on internally. All I can do is start again tomorrow...I hate that I have said that 4 days in a row. I can't sit and wallow in defeat over a bad dinner. If I do, I will end up saying screw it and fall off the wagon. I can't fall off the wagon, this is my life we are talking about. I'm not losing weight for better clothing or some event, I am trying to avoid a massive heart attack or diabetes. Tomorrow I am putting a metaphoric boot up my ass and kicking back into gear. Tonight I am going to read some sections of Jennette Fulda's Half-Assed book to reintroduce some things to my subconscious.

Total estimated calories for today 3000 (feel like crap about this!)

Day 7

I didn't get on to post yesterday, so I will include it with today's post. Day 6 was a total meltdown (again). Chinese buffet for lunch...but I did have a reduced calorie version of chicken curry for dinner. total calories roughly 3000 I'd guestimate. To add to the disaster, I got zero exercise.

Lets focus on day 7 now.

Started the day sleeping til 10. Missed church (sorry Lord, laziness took over me). Then me and the wife mowed the grass. All was well until I tripped walking backwards over the driveway and fell straight back. Man I hit hard. First my tailbone, then my shoulders and finally my head all hit the concrete. I shook it off and finished mowing, but I'm gonna feel it tomorrow. Later we went to Cumberland Falls and had a picnic. I had a six inch sub from subway to keep my calories in check. We walked for over an hour around all the walking areas. Definately got my exercise in. For dinner I had a couple pieces of wheat pita bread topped with lettuce, grilled chicken, lil bit of cheese and some fat free ceasar dressing then some watermelon...mmmmmm.

Now I am catching up on internet while watching Myth Busters (nothing on but Lost finale and I never have watched it). Total calories for today approximately 1600 and all my exercise goals!

Day 6 ended up total failure!

last post was one of hope and a plan for eating right success. Sadly, it came to a crashing end at dinner. The inner beast devoured two breadsticks, steak stromboli, fries and then moved on to twizzlers, popcorn and half a pack of m & m's. What the hell have I done?!?!? My theory is a combination of first restaurant since new way of eating so my mind just fell back to old habits. There is also the stress of my 11 year old daughter sitting inches from this 13 year old boy who just brought her a carnation. Yes we were there too along with his parents having this whole family get together BS, but still it's my girl...my angel...my little Chloe. There I sit, the only one who seems to give shit that she is still in elementary school and two years from being a teenager and should not be in an arranged date!!!!! OK, guess I figured out the trigger for my gorging tonight. I will deal with my other issue else where. This is my weight loss adventure blog, not my I can't deal with my daughter getting older and I have no control in any decisions blog.

I'm done for the night. It's got to be better tomorrow. On tap for tomorrow is sleeping in, shopping with the family (ok, mostly just looking) and buying a watermelon. My new favorite food to keep me on track yet taste great is watermelon. Only 50 calories for a cup and tons of health benefits. Tomorrow night I am attempting a reduced calorie version of chicken curry. Last attempt at it ended with burnt mouths and flaming bungholes. I will chill it down a notch. Going to for sure get a walk in and fulfill my rule to get 30-60 minutes of exercise. Lastly, I'm gonna work on the book I am writing making fun of people that annoy me at work. It will never see the light of day and I'm sure it is the worst written thing out there, but it is a good outlet when I get stressed or frustrated. One day someone may read this...so to that person I bid you goodnight.

todays caloric intake 2500 (apprxmtly) Today is new day, I will right the ship!

TGIF!!!

Just getting ready to head to movies and thought would post something. So far, so good eating wise. Subway for lunch so I kept calories in check. Tonight is the test though. Going to an italian restaurant that has awesome strombolis that I have to avoid, not to mention breadsticks. Then I have to avoid popcorn at a movie. For me I plan on having a grilled chicken caesar salad and diet mt dew (i'm at least gonna have my diet dew) and at the movie I will chew a stick of sugar free gum...or maybe have just a small bag of popcorn if I have enough calories left.

I am feeling really good today. Lots of energy and feel lighter. I know it is some mind over matter but as long as I feel good, I don't care what it is! Gotta go, bills to pay you know.

Day 5 and slacking on exercise

Got the eating habits turned around. Got the mindset focused on the now. Got the get up and go for exercising...not exactly. For some reason I still can't get my butt up and walk, do WII Active or any other exercise other than walking around a store or from parking lot. So tomorrow I am going to go for a walk before the kids get out of school. That way I don't have to hear my youngest complaining about being tired or legs hurting.

Speaking of tomorrow, I am obligated to go to the movies with another family. I am anti-social but that isn't why I am leaning towards not wanting to go. The other family has a 13 year old boy that my 11 year old calls her boyfriend and basically this is just a big excuse to let them have the equivalent to a play date. Obviously with her only being 11, everyone knows she isn't going on any date so this is the way around it since we all will be there.

I guess there are some positives. Gonna get to see Iron Man 2 again. Can't talk in movies, so no need for small talk. Kids will think its fun. Of course, there are negatives. Will go out to eat so have to fight old ways of ordering unhealthy crap. Tempting popcorn will be calling. Will have to be around other people. Oh well, its only a movie.

Today's caloric intake 1340

Day 4, first major temptation

So today was by far my toughest day to stay on course. The second half of the day my work let us go into the field behind our building and just do what we want. Instead of getting some good exercise, I just sat on my butt and chilled. The tough part was the chicken wings, ham biscuits, brownies and cookies they offered. I'm proud of myself, I walked past those and chose veggies and fruits of the large trays they offered and drank ice water. It felt really good being able to say I chose the new me I want to be instead of the food that would make me feel like crap.

I definitely have more energy today and feel good. The scale said I have lost 8 pounds since I weighed Monday. It is most likely due to some water weight loss but I'm fine with that. No salt has been added to any food I've ate since I started eating right Sunday. On Monday night I had a horrible migraine headache. Nausea, vomiting and the whole 9 yards. I am blaming it on caffeine withdraws and stress from some not weight loss issues. Two days later, I already feel like a different person health wise. I never ate many vegetables or fruits before. Usually I would be trying to do low carb and avoided them. My body is loving the broccoli, carrots, watermelon, bananas, etc that I have been including in my diet.

Another day down with success...bring on tomorrow! todays caloric intake 1520

Before pictures taken today

So this is what all 393 pounds of me looks like. Scary, aren't I? (except for the awesome Hangover T-shirt) I just figured no weight loss story should begin without a before photo. By the way, this is like the 30th before photo of me and oddly enough it looks like any of the other ones taken in the last 5 years or so. I have some before pics of me in biggest loser attire (gym shorts and no shirt) but there is no way in hell I would post them right now. In 100 pounds, they may see the light of day.

And for the record...daily calories for today was 1055, but I didn't get the exercise I wanted. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will start the battle again!

Rules I am living by

30-60 minutes of exercise a day
Drink at least 64oz water a day
Limit bread and pastas
Limit sweets
Cut back on my Diet Mt Dew habit
Eat more veggies and fresh fruits

***MOST IMPORTANTLY: DO THINGS INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT FOOD***

Little bit of a background...

Hello. How about that ride in. OK, this is my first blog so I know it will suck and be boring for most, but I don't care. After reading Jennette Fulda's posts on pastaqueen.com and reading her book Half-assed a weight loss memoir, I have been inspired to do this. There are so many thoughts that go through my mind on a daily basis about so many things that without leaking them out into something I think my head would explode. So here goes nothing!

I'm 32 years old, stand 6'3" and weigh in at 393 pounds. I'm huge...and very unhealthy. All my life I have been fat, with the exception of one summer when I was I think 13 (by winter I was fat again). Let's go back to the beginning (I promise my next entries will be shorter, but this one will be long winded).

At birth I was big, so big I think I about gutted my mom like a fish when I was born. When I was 4 I was put in the hospital to have my thyroid tested along with other things to see why I was overweight. All through school I remember mom counting out my servings for school lunch and always being instructed to only to buy skim milk at lunch...only to buy a chocolate milk after getting heckled by other kids over the skim milk. The sight of an ice cream truck in the neighborhood was awesome, unless you are told you are not allowed to have any. Of course like most fat kid's homes, being upset over the ice cream truck left when you found a ice cream sandwich in your own freezer.

It has always been like that. Don't eat that because it's too many calories, but in the shopping cart the next day there would be Twinkies. I guess that was where my habits formed. It wasn't just the food issues, but also the psychological crap I remember. During school shopping for 6th grade clothes I remember my mom telling me "if you get any bigger, I'll have to put a girdle on you". Of course she swears that didn't happen but I will never forget that. I can smile when I think about it now though. Mom so hoped I wouldn't follow in her weight problems, So I see now as a parent how she must have felt seeing it happen. Unfortunately neither of us did anything about it.

Just as an FYI, here is my families health history. My dad died of colon to liver cancer and was just overweight not obese. My mom, who I take after, has diabetes, had cancer, high blood pressure and eye problems. So as you can see, with my weight the future is very grim.

Many a time me and mom both have dieted. At more than one time I joined weight watchers with her as a kid/teen. Not the coolest thing for a boy to do and I caught plenty of crap over it in school. We have did Richard Simmons' deal a meal, TOPS club meetings, cabbage soup diet, bought exercise bikes that didn't get rode, shake mix diets, countless diet pills and of course the basic calorie counting. All for nothing as we would head to a Ryan's buffet or Pizza Hut after about two days with the intent of just a salad (obviously more was on our plates than iceberg lettuce and croutons).

So here I am. Married to a woman who can eat anything and not gain weight...but barely eats. I am always in shock when I here her say "I forgot to eat dinner". Seriously, how do you forget to eat?!?!?! Which goes back to the fact that I love food and am a compulsive eater. I would so like to have my desire for food removed. Am I an emotional eater? Yes, when I am sad I eat...when I am happy I eat...When I am stressed I eat...When I celebrate something I eat. Get the point I assume. The weekend highlight was where we ate out at. The anniversary and birthday all hinged on what restaurant we went to. Christmas was the birth of Jesus - and a good meal. New Years Eve is the anticipation of a new year - and deep fried finger foods. Thanksgiving, well we all know how that goes.

It isn't just holidays or special occasions. Movies equal snacks, TV equals snacks, out shopping means drive thru. Even visiting someone at a hospital meant going to a vending machine or cafeteria. Speaking of cafeteria, I work less than 10 feet to the entrance of our break/cafeteria area. It's no wonder I have gained 70+ pounds since I started there 9 1/2 year ago.

Food ruled my life, but things are different now. I now eat to live not live to eat. I heard a saying a long time ago "nothing tastes as good as thin feels", but I've never been thin so how did I know they weren't lying! I have tasted the great food and all I have to show for it is not being able to look at myself in a mirror, low self esteem, asthma, limited choices in clothing and fear that I will be an embarrassment to my family.

As of Sunday May 16th 2010, I have a new way of looking at things. This is not a diet. I am using something I haven't used before when trying to lose weight...common sense. As a professional dieter, I have gained a lot of knowledge about weight loss so now it's time to use it. I have two great kids (11 and 8 11/12ths year old) that I am thinking of too. My oldest is trending to take after my weight issues and I will not let her go thru what I did. So with the support of family and friends, I begin a long journey. Along the way I will share the good and the bad. This will be the road map I look at to see where I started and I will use it to keep me from taking the same road back. A new me is just down the road, physically and mentally speaking. Talk to you later...by you I probably mean me since I don't think anyone else is going to read this. OK, I gotta go...