Little bit of a background...

Hello. How about that ride in. OK, this is my first blog so I know it will suck and be boring for most, but I don't care. After reading Jennette Fulda's posts on pastaqueen.com and reading her book Half-assed a weight loss memoir, I have been inspired to do this. There are so many thoughts that go through my mind on a daily basis about so many things that without leaking them out into something I think my head would explode. So here goes nothing!

I'm 32 years old, stand 6'3" and weigh in at 393 pounds. I'm huge...and very unhealthy. All my life I have been fat, with the exception of one summer when I was I think 13 (by winter I was fat again). Let's go back to the beginning (I promise my next entries will be shorter, but this one will be long winded).

At birth I was big, so big I think I about gutted my mom like a fish when I was born. When I was 4 I was put in the hospital to have my thyroid tested along with other things to see why I was overweight. All through school I remember mom counting out my servings for school lunch and always being instructed to only to buy skim milk at lunch...only to buy a chocolate milk after getting heckled by other kids over the skim milk. The sight of an ice cream truck in the neighborhood was awesome, unless you are told you are not allowed to have any. Of course like most fat kid's homes, being upset over the ice cream truck left when you found a ice cream sandwich in your own freezer.

It has always been like that. Don't eat that because it's too many calories, but in the shopping cart the next day there would be Twinkies. I guess that was where my habits formed. It wasn't just the food issues, but also the psychological crap I remember. During school shopping for 6th grade clothes I remember my mom telling me "if you get any bigger, I'll have to put a girdle on you". Of course she swears that didn't happen but I will never forget that. I can smile when I think about it now though. Mom so hoped I wouldn't follow in her weight problems, So I see now as a parent how she must have felt seeing it happen. Unfortunately neither of us did anything about it.

Just as an FYI, here is my families health history. My dad died of colon to liver cancer and was just overweight not obese. My mom, who I take after, has diabetes, had cancer, high blood pressure and eye problems. So as you can see, with my weight the future is very grim.

Many a time me and mom both have dieted. At more than one time I joined weight watchers with her as a kid/teen. Not the coolest thing for a boy to do and I caught plenty of crap over it in school. We have did Richard Simmons' deal a meal, TOPS club meetings, cabbage soup diet, bought exercise bikes that didn't get rode, shake mix diets, countless diet pills and of course the basic calorie counting. All for nothing as we would head to a Ryan's buffet or Pizza Hut after about two days with the intent of just a salad (obviously more was on our plates than iceberg lettuce and croutons).

So here I am. Married to a woman who can eat anything and not gain weight...but barely eats. I am always in shock when I here her say "I forgot to eat dinner". Seriously, how do you forget to eat?!?!?! Which goes back to the fact that I love food and am a compulsive eater. I would so like to have my desire for food removed. Am I an emotional eater? Yes, when I am sad I eat...when I am happy I eat...When I am stressed I eat...When I celebrate something I eat. Get the point I assume. The weekend highlight was where we ate out at. The anniversary and birthday all hinged on what restaurant we went to. Christmas was the birth of Jesus - and a good meal. New Years Eve is the anticipation of a new year - and deep fried finger foods. Thanksgiving, well we all know how that goes.

It isn't just holidays or special occasions. Movies equal snacks, TV equals snacks, out shopping means drive thru. Even visiting someone at a hospital meant going to a vending machine or cafeteria. Speaking of cafeteria, I work less than 10 feet to the entrance of our break/cafeteria area. It's no wonder I have gained 70+ pounds since I started there 9 1/2 year ago.

Food ruled my life, but things are different now. I now eat to live not live to eat. I heard a saying a long time ago "nothing tastes as good as thin feels", but I've never been thin so how did I know they weren't lying! I have tasted the great food and all I have to show for it is not being able to look at myself in a mirror, low self esteem, asthma, limited choices in clothing and fear that I will be an embarrassment to my family.

As of Sunday May 16th 2010, I have a new way of looking at things. This is not a diet. I am using something I haven't used before when trying to lose weight...common sense. As a professional dieter, I have gained a lot of knowledge about weight loss so now it's time to use it. I have two great kids (11 and 8 11/12ths year old) that I am thinking of too. My oldest is trending to take after my weight issues and I will not let her go thru what I did. So with the support of family and friends, I begin a long journey. Along the way I will share the good and the bad. This will be the road map I look at to see where I started and I will use it to keep me from taking the same road back. A new me is just down the road, physically and mentally speaking. Talk to you later...by you I probably mean me since I don't think anyone else is going to read this. OK, I gotta go...