Before I get into the weight loss stuff, I want to post something else. This past Thursday was Thanksgiving and around 2:30am I found out my Aunt had passed away. She was 72 years old, never had any medical issues that were major and was my mother's only sister. She had spoke to my mom (who lives next door) the afternoon before and had told her she had baked her pumpkin pies and was going to sit back and relax. At 2am her grandson who lived with her came in from work and found her passed away in her recliner. Apparently she had just fell asleep watching tv and passed in her sleep. We will all miss Anna Glynn, but she was a devout Christian who I know is with our Lord in Heaven.
So this being said, it reminds me even more to hold my priorities in order. Faith, family, friends and all the other stuff just falls where it falls. No doubt the decades of gravy, fried foods and snack cakes undoubtedly led to arteries being clogged and other health issues for my aunt, but with her never going to a doctor they were never found. I am in far worse health at 33 than my aunt was. She was just overweight...not obese.
I found out at work last week we are having another Biggest Loser type contest. Of course I was all about joining. No matter how off course I get on my weight loss adventure, I never stop thinking about it or making some right decisions to help me. Of course the bad me seen it doesn't start until the 29th, so I have ate without caution all week. Now I pay an embarrassing cost for all that sugar, salt and fat. That bloating I have, along with general weight gain, has made all my clothes that are funeral appropriate VERY tight. I will be a pall bearer at my aunt's funeral and only hope not to split my pants during the ceremony. This has been the ultimate smack in the face to make me even more aware how serious my food compulsion and weight issue is.
Beginning Monday I will not be writing big huge posts daily on here. I think that making my eating plan and weight loss such a huge life consuming focus is actually causing some sort of burnout that is sabotaging me. Instead, I will post any major events that may be on my mind and my successes. My starting weigh in weight I will post and maybe a goal for the next weigh in. I did order a new book that tells the story from a man who has lost 200 pounds and has kept it off 20 years. It is called Goodbye Fat Guy! by Starke Taylor. It should be here beginning of the week.
That's all for now. My latest attempt begins the 29th. All I can do is keep moving forward and not give up.
Mike's progress
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
November 7th
I stayed the course 2 days. Then proceeded to go to a bakery outlet for bread and left with honeybuns and other sweet crap. After all, crap is all it is. High fat, high calories and high suger. Yes, delicious crap while eating it, but then the guilt and self loathing begins. I regret that I ate that stuff the past 2 days. I also regret eating pizza today during the football games and snacking on the kid's Halloween candy. I hate myself so much. That is the only explanation I have as to why I would sabotage my weight loss adventure. I don't know what to say or do. Every week is a new start. Every night I say I will do it this time. What a failure. As I look online at vacation ideas (daydreaming for next year), I am constantly reminded and inspired that I need to lose weight so I can enjoy theme parks, beaches and other fun things. Yet a minute later I am munching on a fun size candy bar.
I don't know, maybe it's more than loving food. Stress from work maybe. Issues at home and in marriage maybe. Lack of a hobby or interest outside of work maybe. All I know is my health, family and social insecurities should be more than enough to keep my on course...but it hasn't been.
The closest Overeaters Anonymous meeting is an hour away and during the time I'd be at work. I can't take off work or I'd commit myself into a fat farm. I'd consider wiring my jaw shut at this point.
Alas, I am my own man. I have handled the death of a child and my dad. I have handled a bad few years of my marriage. I am there for my family and for my mom thru all her medical problems. So there is no reason why I can't handle losing 150 pounds!
You guessed it, here I go again starting first thing in the morning. Just have to keep trying and have the attitude that this will be the successful attempt I am needing.
I don't know, maybe it's more than loving food. Stress from work maybe. Issues at home and in marriage maybe. Lack of a hobby or interest outside of work maybe. All I know is my health, family and social insecurities should be more than enough to keep my on course...but it hasn't been.
The closest Overeaters Anonymous meeting is an hour away and during the time I'd be at work. I can't take off work or I'd commit myself into a fat farm. I'd consider wiring my jaw shut at this point.
Alas, I am my own man. I have handled the death of a child and my dad. I have handled a bad few years of my marriage. I am there for my family and for my mom thru all her medical problems. So there is no reason why I can't handle losing 150 pounds!
You guessed it, here I go again starting first thing in the morning. Just have to keep trying and have the attitude that this will be the successful attempt I am needing.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
NOVEMBER 2ND
Can I just start new...again? No need to rehash the same crap. So here is a quick recap to bring you up to speed.
I got motivated to lose weight.
I stayed motivated and lost good amount of weight.
I took my Birthday in July off to eat what I want.
I stayed off the healthy eating/living for over 2 months instead of just 1 day.
I gained all the weight back.
I got desire to lose weight again.
Actually 3 times or more since.
Each attempt lasted only one day each.
So, here I am again. I have decided next August I want to go to school to work on becoming a nurse. One major hiccup is the fact I weigh 397-400 lbs right now. Obviously, I can't be this huge and unhealthy and be able to help others or even stay on my feet at a hospital for 12-16 hours a day. So besides my chest hurting, high risks of diabetes/heart disease/high blood pressure and cancer, odds of dying within next ten years, social prejudices against us fatties, my own insecurities and low self esteem, marital/parenting issues that my weight causes and the hundred other negatives...I can add inability to change careers if I stay morbidly obese.
I toyed with the idea of going to a low carb diet again. My experience with that though is gaining weight back superquick even if just one or two meals have bread/carbs. Yes I know you should never go off of it, but human nature is that I will eat bread or pasta and I shouldn't gain a weeks worth weight loss after just 2 meals. So not doing that again. It is a quick way to lose weight and I know it is the answer to many, but not totally for me.
I considered weight watchers so that me and Chloe can have meetings and structure to help. The only drawbacks are keeping track of points I eat and getting to a meeting. Then add to that a weekly fee on a tight paycheck to paycheck budget. So not it.
Slim fast or another shake diet was thought of. Then I realized I couldn't stay on it since I like food. nixed that one quick.
So, here I am wondering what approach to take. Didn't take long to realize what I had to do. Common sense healthy eating just like how I started this months ago. No rules, just smaller portions, less bread and sugars, less diet sodas and more veggies and fruits. No fried or fatty crap either.
Going to weigh in the morning at work. Going to walk on breaks.
Here we go again, wish me luck!
I got motivated to lose weight.
I stayed motivated and lost good amount of weight.
I took my Birthday in July off to eat what I want.
I stayed off the healthy eating/living for over 2 months instead of just 1 day.
I gained all the weight back.
I got desire to lose weight again.
Actually 3 times or more since.
Each attempt lasted only one day each.
So, here I am again. I have decided next August I want to go to school to work on becoming a nurse. One major hiccup is the fact I weigh 397-400 lbs right now. Obviously, I can't be this huge and unhealthy and be able to help others or even stay on my feet at a hospital for 12-16 hours a day. So besides my chest hurting, high risks of diabetes/heart disease/high blood pressure and cancer, odds of dying within next ten years, social prejudices against us fatties, my own insecurities and low self esteem, marital/parenting issues that my weight causes and the hundred other negatives...I can add inability to change careers if I stay morbidly obese.
I toyed with the idea of going to a low carb diet again. My experience with that though is gaining weight back superquick even if just one or two meals have bread/carbs. Yes I know you should never go off of it, but human nature is that I will eat bread or pasta and I shouldn't gain a weeks worth weight loss after just 2 meals. So not doing that again. It is a quick way to lose weight and I know it is the answer to many, but not totally for me.
I considered weight watchers so that me and Chloe can have meetings and structure to help. The only drawbacks are keeping track of points I eat and getting to a meeting. Then add to that a weekly fee on a tight paycheck to paycheck budget. So not it.
Slim fast or another shake diet was thought of. Then I realized I couldn't stay on it since I like food. nixed that one quick.
So, here I am wondering what approach to take. Didn't take long to realize what I had to do. Common sense healthy eating just like how I started this months ago. No rules, just smaller portions, less bread and sugars, less diet sodas and more veggies and fruits. No fried or fatty crap either.
Going to weigh in the morning at work. Going to walk on breaks.
Here we go again, wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Well...
I had it, I lost it and now I have it back. It took until today to have my first day back eating smart. Let's not dwell on my failure to launch the past 2 weeks. I have only had one diet soda, and have the dull lack of caffeine headache to show for it. Then again, I don't have the bloated feeling that my usual 40-60oz of pop a day gives me. I got to work and threw out my candy that was in my desk drawer. The book Half Assed that helped me months ago start all of this is back at my bedside and I will begin reading it again tonight. Hopefully my daughter will see me saying no thanks to mac and cheese, cookies and chips and will do the same. Not making big goals or statements. I am simply taking it one meal at a time. I have crashed and burned after hours, days, weeks and months eating right. I know how easy it is to lose 30 pounds in 3 months only to gain it back in 1 month. I will never guarantee big weight loss...but I will guarantee that my focus will be on saving my life and leading my family to better health along the way.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Biggest Loser premier...
Lets just say that I "eased" into getting back on course. Okay, I have put good habits off until tomorrow. In fact up until an hour before the Biggest Loser show, I was eating pizza and last night I had my final (for a little bit at least) ice cream. Just wanted any possible stupid cravings stifled so that I wouldn't fall off the right path. Yes, that is against the whole thing I have mentioned before about excuses. You know, the "I'll start Monday", "I just need to get all my cravings ate before I start" and all those other procrastinating BS excuses. So I have acknowledged I have a problem (for several years now) and my most recent, and what needs to be final, lifestyle change to healthy living begins now.
Let me recap.
I had my head on straight. I was losing weight at a steady pace. My body was feeling good. I had more energy. Clothes fit me better and I went down in size. All was good in my journey. Then I took a day off on my birthday July 9th to eat what I wanted. That day has now lasted over 2 months.
I now weigh 397lbs. My chest hurts several times a week. Its hard to breath after bending over to tie my shoes or pick up something. I have had more bouts of depression and self loathing than I ever had in my life. My stress is high and my self esteem is low. I feel the worst physically, mentally and emotionally than I ever have before. If I were to be diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease or any other obesity related disease/disorder, I would not be shocked. If I don't wake up tomorrow, my family shouldn't be shocked. In case you aren't picking up the vibe, I am scared for the first time ever. I have been concerned for years, but it's way past that now.
So enough of the dreary. Here is what I am going to do.
1. Eat healthy food choices
2. Stick with recommended healthy portion sizes
3. Be active
4. Take it one hour at a time and not focus so much on the mountain of lbs to lose
No more weekly goal. I'll weigh weekly to make sure still on track, but I am not going to set a weight to be at by a certain date. Any weight lost is good for my health and self confidence. I am doing this first for my health (I want to avoid the diseases that my mom suffers from. I'm not wanting to die in my early 30s and be buried in a double wide casket that will have to take both mine and my wife's burial plots to fit me in.) I am doing this for superficial reasons (I want to feel good about my looks. I want to be able to buy clothes at "regular" size stores. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.) I am doing this for my wife (I don't want her to feel like she is stuck with a fatty husband that she is secretly embarrassed of. I want her to actually want to do "stuff" with me and not be disgusted at the thought of it. She would never say these things are true, but I don't see how they couldn't be.) I am doing this for my kids (I don't want them to be ashamed of having a huge dad. I want to ride amusement park rides, go-karts and just play with my kids without wanting to go sit in the house.) I want to lose weight while my mom is alive to see me do it. I want this soooo much. I hate myself right now. I want to change that and find my real self. The Mike that I can be happy to be. More to come tomorrow.
Let me recap.
I had my head on straight. I was losing weight at a steady pace. My body was feeling good. I had more energy. Clothes fit me better and I went down in size. All was good in my journey. Then I took a day off on my birthday July 9th to eat what I wanted. That day has now lasted over 2 months.
I now weigh 397lbs. My chest hurts several times a week. Its hard to breath after bending over to tie my shoes or pick up something. I have had more bouts of depression and self loathing than I ever had in my life. My stress is high and my self esteem is low. I feel the worst physically, mentally and emotionally than I ever have before. If I were to be diagnosed with diabetes, heart disease or any other obesity related disease/disorder, I would not be shocked. If I don't wake up tomorrow, my family shouldn't be shocked. In case you aren't picking up the vibe, I am scared for the first time ever. I have been concerned for years, but it's way past that now.
So enough of the dreary. Here is what I am going to do.
1. Eat healthy food choices
2. Stick with recommended healthy portion sizes
3. Be active
4. Take it one hour at a time and not focus so much on the mountain of lbs to lose
No more weekly goal. I'll weigh weekly to make sure still on track, but I am not going to set a weight to be at by a certain date. Any weight lost is good for my health and self confidence. I am doing this first for my health (I want to avoid the diseases that my mom suffers from. I'm not wanting to die in my early 30s and be buried in a double wide casket that will have to take both mine and my wife's burial plots to fit me in.) I am doing this for superficial reasons (I want to feel good about my looks. I want to be able to buy clothes at "regular" size stores. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.) I am doing this for my wife (I don't want her to feel like she is stuck with a fatty husband that she is secretly embarrassed of. I want her to actually want to do "stuff" with me and not be disgusted at the thought of it. She would never say these things are true, but I don't see how they couldn't be.) I am doing this for my kids (I don't want them to be ashamed of having a huge dad. I want to ride amusement park rides, go-karts and just play with my kids without wanting to go sit in the house.) I want to lose weight while my mom is alive to see me do it. I want this soooo much. I hate myself right now. I want to change that and find my real self. The Mike that I can be happy to be. More to come tomorrow.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Again, because there's no other choice...
On July 9th, my 33rd birthday, I took a day off from my healthy eating. That one day has now lasted almost 2 months. I have not weighed in a long time, but judging by how my clothes fit me now I would say I have gained all of the weight back that I have lost. I am ashamed of how I lost focus, desire and motivation and let myself fall off track again. As I eat a chocolate Zinger (or 3), Chloe comes walking down the hall with one. How can I say don't eat that, when I'm the one who buys them and eats them in front of her. When I order a 20oz steak, how can I tell her that she should order a grilled chicken salad instead of a steak. So I don't. So now she is dealing with the same crappy weight loss adventure I am...er was on. Since my last post, I had a bout with planters fascitis (I think that's how it's spelled). Basically, heal spurs and my weight caused tendons in my foot to pull causing pain when I put my weight on my left foot. Also, my feet hurt just from walking around 1 store now. Every few minutes while mowing, I have to take a break due to getting chest discomfort and feeling shaky. My shirts are snug and 2 pair of my shorts barely button. Gone is the fruit, veggies and lean gourmet meals for work. The kitchen is now stocked with bread, lunch meats, snack cakes and chips. The water filter on the faucet has not been used in weeks as I have been chugging the diet soda (yep, still drinking diet since was raised on it as a kid). I feel like such a failure. To myself, my wife and my kids. I know that it's hurting them. I also have realized that it will be so hard to find another job if I had to at my size. Weight Watchers is $40 a month so I thought of joining, but I am not sure I will have the time...or funds to do it long term. I have got to find the on ramp back to the right path of my (and Chloe's) weight loss adventure.
Tomorrow is Labor day. Our plan is to go hang with my mom. We're making homemade tacos and playing games. She will have a homemade peach cobbler for us too. Every holiday has to include meal plans. Here is what I am going to do. I will eat two tacos, not 4 or 5. I will make them modestly and not use huge portions of beef and cheese in them. I will have a 4 bite piece of cobbler, not a 1/4th of the pan of it she has made. Before heading home, me and the family will go for a walk at either the park or our walking track at the cemetery by Mom's house.
Wednesday is our grocery day. No cakes, chips or other crap foods on the list. Me and Chloe will have salads, white meat, veggies, fruits and whole grain foods to eat on. I will keep the Diet Mt.Dew as my crutch. It's fall of the year almost and me and the family have plenty of weeks to go on walks before the cold winter days are here. I am bringing home my copy of Half Assed to start reading again.
I am a food addict. I love the taste of food. I love how I feel when I eat a good meal. Then I hate how I feel after I eat a non healthy meal. I hate the bloated feeling I get. I hate knowing it just made me stay fat another few hours just by eating it. I hate knowing that I let down myself and family by eating it. So....I eat something delicious (and bad for me) and get that euphoric feeling again and start the whole cycle again. An alcoholic can go to AA. A drug addict can go to NA. A food addict can go to OA, unless they live in they sticks of KY like I do where it isn't offered. So, with the exception of a weight watcher meeting that is $40 a month or a doctor who can write me a Adipex prescription, not much external support readily available. I have a gym at work I can use, but I only have 3 hours a night with my kids and the wife is in college for the first time so between helping with kids and trying to be here for her, I can't afford an hour in the gym a day. My support system will have to be my blog, the internet, family and God. I am more scared than ever that I will die within the next few years if I don't lose my weight. At 33 I feel tired, depressed, aches and pains that I should not feel.
So, here I go again. The tank is full, the tires are checked and I got the right directions. Today (it is after midnight I just noticed), is the first day of the rest of my life. Yes that is an old and often overused cliche, but it's true. I'm not allowing myself a day off this time. I am not making an excuse as to why it will be okay to eat crap. Wish me luck and pray for me to succeed this time...if anyone does happen to read this.
Tomorrow is Labor day. Our plan is to go hang with my mom. We're making homemade tacos and playing games. She will have a homemade peach cobbler for us too. Every holiday has to include meal plans. Here is what I am going to do. I will eat two tacos, not 4 or 5. I will make them modestly and not use huge portions of beef and cheese in them. I will have a 4 bite piece of cobbler, not a 1/4th of the pan of it she has made. Before heading home, me and the family will go for a walk at either the park or our walking track at the cemetery by Mom's house.
Wednesday is our grocery day. No cakes, chips or other crap foods on the list. Me and Chloe will have salads, white meat, veggies, fruits and whole grain foods to eat on. I will keep the Diet Mt.Dew as my crutch. It's fall of the year almost and me and the family have plenty of weeks to go on walks before the cold winter days are here. I am bringing home my copy of Half Assed to start reading again.
I am a food addict. I love the taste of food. I love how I feel when I eat a good meal. Then I hate how I feel after I eat a non healthy meal. I hate the bloated feeling I get. I hate knowing it just made me stay fat another few hours just by eating it. I hate knowing that I let down myself and family by eating it. So....I eat something delicious (and bad for me) and get that euphoric feeling again and start the whole cycle again. An alcoholic can go to AA. A drug addict can go to NA. A food addict can go to OA, unless they live in they sticks of KY like I do where it isn't offered. So, with the exception of a weight watcher meeting that is $40 a month or a doctor who can write me a Adipex prescription, not much external support readily available. I have a gym at work I can use, but I only have 3 hours a night with my kids and the wife is in college for the first time so between helping with kids and trying to be here for her, I can't afford an hour in the gym a day. My support system will have to be my blog, the internet, family and God. I am more scared than ever that I will die within the next few years if I don't lose my weight. At 33 I feel tired, depressed, aches and pains that I should not feel.
So, here I go again. The tank is full, the tires are checked and I got the right directions. Today (it is after midnight I just noticed), is the first day of the rest of my life. Yes that is an old and often overused cliche, but it's true. I'm not allowing myself a day off this time. I am not making an excuse as to why it will be okay to eat crap. Wish me luck and pray for me to succeed this time...if anyone does happen to read this.
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